okay so here is your l word spoiler... i might leave a few things out, i'm going on memory.
the episode picks up, i think around six months after season two ends. jenny went back to live with her mom and stepfather in skokie, her mom says she's sick for being a lesbian. jenny has a girlfriend tho, this very gender-ambiguous woman (more so then shane!), you can only tell she's a girl from her voice. they go back to jenny's place to sex up, and her stepfater walks in on them, tells them to beat it, jenny tells him off and they beat it. apparently the therapy's done and she's feeling a lot better, and she's taking her girlfriend with her back to l.a.
shane and carmen are steady, they're all cute and in love (and shane has a really awful wavy hairstyle), so carmen is taking shane to meet her folks - shane has to pretend to be straight. carmen's mom is this slightly overweight and very kind woman who, upon hearing that shane was adopted, proclaims that "you are part of our family now!" (she's really sweet and i love her) they go upstairs to force shane into this nasty dress for some reason, the mom leaves, we get to see shane without her shirt on, the two make out, yum yum.
dana told alice that she needed "closure" with lara, but it looks like dana left alice for lara. :( alice is turning into this (seriously) crazy wreck who pops pills and cries during yoga and chases dana in her car, she's got like this shrine with candles and a full-sized cardboard standup thing, it's seriously bizarre.
helena got her tarot cards read, the woman correctly predicted that helena was buying a movie studio. thus, when the woman said that helena would have a new love soon, she paid attention: the new love would be brunette, bisexual, female, and drive a blue car. alice fits all these descriptors, although helena doesn't know whether alice is a natural brunette and stopped bleaching her hair, or whether she just dyed it brown for kicks. helena seems to be a LOT less of a bitch, she took alice to yoga to make her feel better and blah blah.
kit is going through menopause. finally, a believable storyline for kit.
bette and tina are back together, and practicing "attached parenting", where they try to have the kid in contact with a person at all times, so they don't even have a crib since the kid (apparently) sleeps with them. this understandably has led to some sexual issues (mostly lack of), so they're seeing this woman... seems to be like a personal shopper for sex toys/sexual therapist. they're also going to one of those groups for new parents, where they do stuff like fingerpaint and sing and dance around in circles. they're celebrating angelica's 6 month birthday, so they passed out invitations and asked the group leader, some guy with a guitar, to play at their party - he said sure, could always use the money (i included that because i think he's in the new credits, so he must become a major character, or maybe i'm crazy).
bette has to have a social worker come over so she can legally adopt angelica, but it's a total disaster - the social worker is a crazy, self-rightous bitch. she's in a wheelchair, so the van she drove is one of those big white ones. alice comes by to bitch about dana and crashes into the van, and yells at the social worker for having such a big-ass car... basically, the social worker visit was a mess. they do get a second chance, tho.
and i think that's it!